Dharma Dispatch: Kindness in Meditation
Sometimes when I’m in a period of intensive meditation or reflection, little snippets of insight will come to me, and then some words will start to form in the mind around those insights — words that help to convey their essence, often condensed into a metaphor or a vivid image that feels poignant at the time.
In such moments it often feels to me as if the words are coming not from my ordinary thinking mind, but from a wiser, more generous, somehow older part of myself. The tone is one of gentle instruction and guidance: remember this, for your mind will not always be as clear as it is now.
Some time ago I started writing down these words and images on index cards so that I could remember them and return to them when — as the wise voice aptly predicted — my mind was not so clear. I came to think of these as “dharma dispatches,” little missives sent from a place of clarity and wisdom for the benefit of the mind that is darkened, uninspired, agitated, or weary.
I wrote one such missive recently while reflecting on the importance of kindness when meditating and practicing mindfulness in daily life. It went like this:
The Open Guest House
When sitting down to meditate, establish yourself as the host of a guest house where many kinds of visitors pass through. Some are pleasant guests, some are unpleasant. You will enjoy the company of the pleasant guests, and you will find the unpleasant ones rude and boisterous.
Be kind to each guest without discriminating. In the light of your kindness the guests will gradually reveal themselves to you. What else would they do? They are visitors, and if you give them space and attention they will open up. They will tell you who they are, where they are coming from, and where they are going.
You must make a special effort to be kind and patient with the unpleasant guests. When they visit, all sorts of thoughts will spring up in your mind. Why is this person here? Who invited them, anyway? And why don’t they know how to behave themselves? Haven’t they ever been in a guest house before? You may even want to give them the boot: toss them out into the cold night and lock all the doors!
But what makes you think that, if they showed up uninvited in the first place, they will not simply do so again? You throw them out, you lock the door, and then they come in through the window! You toss them out again and board up the windows, and then, just when you’ve gotten all cozy and settled in with your pleasant guests, the ones who make you feel really nice and good, the unpleasant ones come back in through the chimney!
Better to invite them in, be patient and kind, and hear what they have to say. For yours is a house built on kindness and openness. There are other guest houses that function like exclusive clubs. You need a membership to get in, and they’ve got security waiting around on standby to handle all the riff raff. Such houses are infused with an air of exclusivity and tension. But your house is not like that. Yours is the house where guests come to be seen and heard. Yours is an open house, and kindness is what keeps it open.
All of your guests are going somewhere. They are just visitors, and none of them will stay. Not even the pleasant ones. If you try to force them to stay, you are no longer being the kind host. You must let them go on their way. Likewise if you try to make them leave. In both cases you are thinking of yourself and not of your guests. Be kindly attentive to each guest as they visit. Each one is important while they are there. Each one has something to say. Your job is to listen and hear what they have to say. In this way you will come to know who they are, where they come from, and where they are going. And when they go you will be glad to have met them, glad for all they have taught you about themselves and about the way of things.
Practice like this until even the idea of yourself as a host drops away, and you are nothing but the kindness which greets each passing thing with a bow.